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Questions Frequently Asked by Parents
Would any of these apply to YOU??

How can I help my shy child?

Most parents wish their kids would plunge into new situations and make friends easily. Instead shy and cautious children cling to our legs or hang on the sidelines. When someone they don’t know or are not comfortable with talks to them, they lower their eyes and don’t answer. When they refuse to try an unfamiliar activity, we push them to participate. We become disappointed, annoyed, or frustrated with them when they aren’t as outgoing as we’d like. Find out how to deal with these children and help them overcome their shyness.

How do you help your child cope with peer relationships?

Peer relationships are vital to children’s development. It’s the arena in which they learn to make decisions, to lead or follow, to become considerate and loyal, and to recover from mistakes. As parents we can have some influence over our children’s choice of friends. Here’s how you can be helpful while still encouraging your child’s independence.

My child loves to ask WHY -- do I always have to explain?

When Barbara became a parent, she swore she’d never utter the words “because I said so.” Her own parents had frequently responded to her questions that way, and she’d always resented it. But that was before she had an inquisitive child of her own. Now, as she races to get everyone out of the house in the morning, Barbara faces endless questions from four-year-old Natalie: “Why do I have to go to school? Why do you have to go work? Why can’t we stay home and play?

How do I stop my child from demanding everything he sees?

Nobody wants a greedy, insatiable, overly demanding child--but do you know how to stop this kind of behavior? The way to cure the "gimmes" is to know the difference between what our kids need and what they want.

I find myself bribing my kids to do things they need to do. How can I stop?

How many times have you offered your kids rewards for simple things like eating their vegetables or cleaning their room? This kind of bribery communicates loud and clear, "OK, I give up. I don’t believe I can make you do what's right. So, what's it worth to you?"

How can I motivate my child to GET MOVING?

Dawdling comes as naturally to young kids as breathing. While parents tend to focus on the future, young children live in the moment and are totally absorbed by what they're doing. I often ask parents how many times they’ve said “hurry up” or “come on” to their kids during the week to try to get them out the door on time.

Am I too wishy-washy?

Most parents don't worry about being too strict--they think they're too lenient instead. Do you wonder if your parenting style is too wishy-washy? If the following scenes sound like they could take place in your house, you may need to work on being more authoritative.

How much TV is too much?

Before my first child was born, I watched one of my nephews plopped in front of the TV set in a slack-jawed trance. If I tried to talk to him, he wouldn't answer--he was literally tuned out. The sight left a deep impression on me, so when I sensed that television was beginning to take on too much importance in my sons' lives, I called a family meeting.

My kids are so different, one listens, one doesn't. What can I do?

I, too, like so many other parents was amazed by how little each of my sons had in common. Though your children will be more different than similar, it's important to avoid comparing them.

I only have one child and don't plan on having more. Am I being selfish?

If you're the parent of one child, you've probably heard the negative rap about only children. A lot of people in our society assume that an only child will be lonely because he doesn't have siblings, selfish because he doesn't have to share his things with brothers and sisters, and spoiled because he is lavished with undivided parental attention. There is also a sense that the best thing parents can do for an only is to present him with a brother or sister--that his experience of life will always be incomplete without a sibling.

How can I instill a love of reading in my child?

Don't buy into the multimedia hype. I hear many parents expressing the opinion that books have already lost the war against electronic entertainment. These parents assume that, given a choice, children will always pick TV, movies, computers, and electronic games over books. I disagree. There has never before been such a varied and exciting marketplace of books for kids of all ages. And the books are selling!

I find myself threatening my kids with unreasonable punishments. How do I stop?

Many parents turn to threats as a last resort when they don't know what else to do. ("If you don't clean up your room right now, you can forget about the circus this weekend"). But then you're boxed in. You already bought the tickets! And you probably won't stick to that irrational threat you made without thinking—so your credibility goes down a notch. Who are you really punishing?

More Solutions to Parents' FAQs can be found in Nancy's books and articles found below. •Antidotes to Spoiling Kids No parent sets out to raise a spoiled child. Here are antidotes to spoiling kids . . . and not just over the holidays. •How to Know if your Child is Spoiled Are you caught in these spoiling traps? Find out the traits of a spoiled child and learn to show love without spoiling.

• Sibling Rivalry Learn nine solutions for handling sibling rivalry. • Have Your Kids Take the Sibling Survey This unique questionnaire for parents to give their children will help parents better understand sibling and family relationships and offer clues to how kids really feel about their brothers and sisters.

•Positive Discipline Positive discipline alternatives to yelling, nagging, bribing, threatening and punishing. •Avoid Spanking Spare the rod: to spank or not to spank?

• Eight Weapons in the War on Anger Nancy offers parents & Educators effective skills to handle their anger without hurting or insulting kids.

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