Tips & Resources
How to Win the War on Whining:
When you say no to
your child or don’t give him what he wants, many children--particularly
preschoolers--try to wear you down by whining. And when they do, it’s
almost impossible not to become annoyed and frustrated. Whining is heavy-duty
irritation, akin to chalk scratching on a blackboard or a baby’s
non-stop crying. But there are strategies parents can use, rather than
giving in or getting furious.
Here’s what NOT to do if you already have a child who is earning
an advanced degree in whining. Don’t change your no into a yes. Don’t
try to explain or justify your reasons for refusing to grant your child’s
wish. Beware. If your child has even the merest hope that the more he
whines, the more chance there is that you’ll give in, he will up
the ante and whine more.
Instead, help your child to learn alternative, more positive ways to ask
for what she wants. During a calm, pleasant moment when you have your
child’s attention, ask her if she knows how to ask for something
in her whining voice and have her show you how she does this. Then say
something like: "Yes, that is exactly the way it sounds when you
ask for something in your ‘whine’ voice. Now let’s practice
your asking me for something in your ‘regular’ voice (or your
‘Suzy’ voice or your ‘big girl’ voice)." Compliment
her when she uses that normal voice. The next time she starts to whine,
instead of repeatedly telling her to "stop whining", ask her
to use her regular voice. If you do this consistently, chances are you
will be on the way to curing the whining habit.
Often kids who whine a lot have gotten into the habit of using that grating
tone and aren’t even aware of it. One parent in my workshop, as soon
as her son began his usual whine, ran to get the tape recorder so he could
hear it. Not only did it make them both laugh, it helped him to become
more conscious of how he sounded.